Is that a birthday greeting or are you just trying to sell me something?

Automated birthday emails are a constant of modern life, right up there with death, taxes, and computer updates with poor timing. Once a year, my inbox fills to the brim with reminders of just how many companies I’ve entrusted with my birthdate.

But not this year. No, this year was going to be different. This year I went on a relentless unsubscribing kick, just ruthlessly clicking the unsubscribe button whenever something from a corporate mailing list came into my inbox. But I knew that some things were definitely going to still sneak through.

See, companies can’t resist a birthday. It’s one of the easiest things they can do to get someone’s attention. “​​Birthday emails are one of the most effective emails you can send,” says a blog post from Campaign Monitor, an email marketing company, right before dropping some absolutely bonkers claims including: “Birthday emails generate 342% higher revenue per email than promotional emails.”

It’s my birthday — hell yes I deserve a treat!

No wonder companies want to wish you a happy birthday so bad — they’ll ride that feel-good feeling of a birthday wish straight to the cash register where you’ll get a donut to go along with your free coffee or take advantage of 20 percent off this month only to get that thing. You know, the one you probably weren’t going to get until you got that email and then thought, “It’s my birthday — hell yes I deserve a treat!” 

My unsubscribing kick, to be clear, was unrelated to all of these corporate birthday shenanigans. I love a birthday treat as much as the next person; I just wanted less of a firehose of emails the rest of the year. But my natal day was going to be a test — since companies can’t resist a good birthday email, I knew that any lists I was already on would definitely send something.  

Here’s how it went:   

Overall, not so bad, but I clearly hadn’t factored in my gadgets and appliances when I started this mini data collection.

Next year, I’ll see if my microwave has anything to say for itself. 

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